From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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