I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
