Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
