Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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