What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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