i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
