I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
two words...techno handjob
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
