So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
