sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
