if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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