she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
His hands were made for my vagina.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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