Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
