i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
