a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
