Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
