Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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