his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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