I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
