I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize