Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
