Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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