He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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