So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
