Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
