i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
