Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My vagina just recognized that song.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
