woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
