just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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