Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
