Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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