mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.