This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?