I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize