If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im so drunk with asians
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy