um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction