i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you would pick up someone in the library
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
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She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
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Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.