I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
