So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
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CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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