she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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