Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
