there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
