I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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