Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
