Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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