Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
