I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
