at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
