If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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