the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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