Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
