just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
