dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
