There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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