Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm eating all of the evidence.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
