All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
