Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
