The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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