Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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