I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize