we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
