I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
