i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
