what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
