Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
