I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
