Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
time to smoke my breakfast
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
