I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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