My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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